Living with the soggy roommate is no easy task, mind you. Naturally, it entails endless awkward encounters and eyeroll-worthy conversations that make you wonder why any divine power, hypothetical or not, would want to wish this suffering upon you.
While the last 10 months have certainly provided me with a fair share of these moments, the last few weeks have brought an unprecedented tension into the house, and consequently, countless eyerolls from me. Here’s just a sampling of a few from the past several days.
May 30th, 2016: SR looks at me disdainfully while I blend my smoothie in close proximity to him…ok bitch, side-eye me while you fry your sad fucking bologna and eggs like you do every miserable morning of your life. News flash: running for 20 minutes and coming back to processed meats and frozen food will not transform your soggy body, that damage is probably irreversible.
May 30, 2016: Despite our four-person table being transformed into a three-person table from being pushed into the kitchen corner for months now, soggy had found it perfectly acceptable to attempt to squeeze into the corner in order to consume his usual,
very delectable breakfast of fried eggs and bologna while Milk, our other roommate, and I, were enjoying a pleasant morning conversation. Not only did it not make sense, for he could have easily eaten on the counter, it made the situation very awkward for all of us. I see that table’s seating transformation as a symbol of the social atmosphere of our house–and him violating that was uncomfortable to say the least.
May 31, 2016: Again while enjoying the solace of each other’s company, Milk and I were abruptly disturbed by none other than the sogmaster himself sitting IN BETWEEN us, just to eat a bowl of fucking cereal. …..Seriously, you couldn’t eat it anywhere else in the house like, say, YOUR ROOM?? Where you spend most of your time anyways?? Seems legit.
There are certainly more to come, until next time..