A Comprehensive List of Things Thrown Out

1.) Zucchini: this wasn’t thrown out as much as it was washed down the sink. Because who knew that a zucchini left in the fridge in a pool of water for three months would become a nest for maggots that disintegrated upon water impact? Not the soggy roommate!

2.) Parmesan: this should have been refrigerated after opening but it was left in our cabinet for roughly eight months before any of us realized that it had actually expired in January. It was thrown out mid May, mostly in the heat of the moment as we realized that it had gone bad four months ago. It flew into the recycling bin, without the knowledge of the soggy one. In fact, he was still steadily consuming it post-expiration, post-non refrigeration. Did you know that Parmesan is not supposed to be yellow? Neither did the soggy roommate.

3.) Ground beef: it was on special so it was already going bad when it was bought. It was sitting in the fridge for maybe five days before it was actually used to make anything. By the time one week rolled around, it had been exposed to open air (because God forbid the soggy roommate would actually wrap it up in Saran Wrap to at least make some effort towards saving it – even though he will claim that he did but you don’t leave meat open in the fridge and the original wrapping it comes in does not count) and was starting to turn pink and brown. I reminded him meat doesn’t keep in the fridge for that long, to which he responded, “I know.” But if he did, we wouldn’t be here.

4.) Mayo: two huge jars of mayo sat in our cabinet when they’d expired in November. They were only thrown out by the soggy roommate mid May after being reminded approximately three times to take care of it. The first time we asked him to look at his things in the cabinet to throw out, he made a half-assed effort to only throw out an opened RealLemon Juice while keeping most of his expired things that we were actually concerned about in the pantry. Apparently it’s so hard to part with expired mayo? We told him a second time when he told him to take out the trash (because he basically didn’t the whole semester) and he only took out the trash. The third time, I just straight up told him to his face because he’s an infant who needs to be spoken to directly before anything actually registers in his head as something he should really do. They were gone the next day. It was a revelation.

5.) Tomato sauce: this was opened and covered in Saran Wrap but not even Saran Wrap could save it from blackening after being pushed to the back of the fridge and sitting there for about a week before we noticed. We took the liberty to throw it out because re: blackening.

The only pity is that, of all the gross things thrown out, he isn’t aware that half of them happened because he isn’t aware that most of the things he puts in his body is actually expired.

-Mirukeu x

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